Adventurer's Tales

Adventuerer's Tales-Stories of a Treveler.

Chapter 1: The Start of All Adventures

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A young man with black spiky hair and medium height entered the room, in the room was a tall man, around fifty years, almost bald, with some grey hair, and a woman with the same age, with a long red greying hair and medium height.As usual Renval, the young man, stated arguing with his parents, all he wanted was their permission to explore the world, to go in an adventure, since the day he discovered his love for challenges he challenged himself to explore the world, to find the strongest of the strongest and fight them, even tough he knew he wasn't the strongest, he would train until the day he would beat them, that's one of the things that worried his parents the most other than his sanity, wich it is a thing that he doesen't have, if someone challenged him to jump straght to The Punishment Realm he would jump straight to it. Sure, he could just go away from home and never return, but he wasn't that cruel, he knew his parents would be worried until the day he would come back, wich he wouldn't.

Renval: Dad, why won't you let me out here?

Esbern: I already said, you're going to die out there, the last thing I want to see is my son's corpse.

Renval: If I die, I'll die happy! I don't really care if I die!

Esbern: BUT I DO! You won't leave this town ever! Not while I'm still alive.

Renval: Nice tip! What if I kill you, you'll let me go out, won't you?

Esbern: ARE YOU INSANE? If you kill me I wouldn't be able to give my permission, BECAUSE I'LL BE DEAD!

Renval: Okay... What do I have to do for you to let me go out?

Esbern: Not until you can kill a pack of wolves alone.

Renval: Thanks! I'll be back soon!

Renval quickly leaves the room and picks up his halberd and heads to the forest.

Esbern: RENVAL! YOU IDIOT, IF YOU GET KILLED I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

Thalim: Calm down Esbern, we're both getting old, he should be able to handle himself already, he's seventeen and we're not going to live much more.

Esbern: But my dear Thalim, don't you think our son is a little insane?

Thalim: That's why I think he should be able to handle himself, insanity sometimes is just a plain bad thing, but in his case it's probably what made him want to get strong, and it kind of worked.

Renval left the house runnig, his house was a modest one, mostly made of planks that his uncle chopped and refined, his father is a well-known blacksmith in town, his mother is his father's assistant. The town is named Warven, a medium town in the west of the Verga empire, in the Ethos province, a good place to live. In town he was just as known as his father, because of his desire of a challenge, he was allways seen in the town's arena allways challenging people, and actually won most of his fights, he is a very skilled warrior, specially with pole weapons, the halberd being his favorite.
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Renval: See dad? I've killed every single one of 'em and brought their fur, can I go now dad?

Esbern: ...

Renval: What is it?

Esbern: Ok... I think i'll let you go, but not because you've killed them, but because your mom convinced me that you should be able to already take care of yourself, after all you are one of the best warriors in town, even tough you're still so young, I'm sorry that I did not notice your skill before.

Renval: Really? AWESOME! Thanks mom! Thanks dad! I'll tell everyone that I'm leaving town soon!

Esbern: AND DON'T FORGET! RETURN ALIVE!

Renval: I will, I promise!

Renval leaves the house, he heads first to his cousin's house. He knocks the door and his uncle answers.

Renval: Is Seris there?

Jover: Yes, she's in her room.

Renval enterns the house, wich is very similar to his, since it's the same wood that his uncle chopped, he heads to Seris' room and knocks the door.

Seris: Who's there?

Renval: It's me, Renval!

Seris: Ok, come In.

Renval enters her room, and sees his cousin, a girl with long purple hair, medium height, black eyes and a... "nice rack".

Seris: What do you whant? Came to invite me to do more insane things? I'm not going to wrestle bears again.

Renval: No, this time I came to say bye! Dad finally listened to me!

Seris: Oh, in that case I'm going with you!

Renval: Huh? Why?

Seris: I don't really have much to do here, it's really boring, maybe I'll find adventuring interesting. Also I wouldn't like to see you killed.

Renval: Well... you know, I don't think you may be able to handle the sheer awesomeness of the situation. Also you may die.

Seris: Did you forget that I'm a skilled rogue? Just about as you're skilled as a warrior... wich really isn't much, but it will do.

Renval: Whatever, if you die, don't blame on me. Oh, and don't forget to bring bacon.

Seris: Er... Why bacon?

Renval: Bacon. Is. AWESOME!

Seris: Right...

Renval: Anyways. I'm going to tell Hammeron about it, he wouldn't resist the opportunity.

Seris: That bastard? Is he going with us? Crap... Guess I'll have to try not punch him every five minutes, that guy is so annoying!

Renval: I don't know yet if he's going with us, but like me, he wouldn't resist to the call of adventure! Also, be at the city's main gate tomorrow morning!

Seris: Ok... I guess...

Renval leaves the house running to Hammeron's house, his old friend and rival, it's a big old house made of stone and wood, not far from where he was. He soon arrives in his house and knocks the door. A tall, white spiky haired young man with a scar on his cheek opened the door.

Renval: Yo Hammeron!

Hammeron: What do you want Renval? Challenge me again? Wait a minute, I'll pick my warhammer right now.

Renval: Wait Hammeron! I didn't come to talk about that, not this time, next time I'll kick your ass, but not this time.

Hammeron: So what the hell you want you crazy bastard?

Renval: I'm here to call you for adventure!

Hammeron: So, you finally got your permission eh?

Renval: Yes! Finnaly I got it!

Hammeron: Right, so when we leave crazy bastard? This may be a nice training to have my revenge, when we are back I'll leave a scar in your ass so hard I'll kick it, I'll make it even worse than the one you left in me.

Renval: If we are still alive until then.

Hammeron: I won't, I don't know you.

Renval: I'm a protected of Awe, the God of Awesome, I won't die that easily.

Hammeron: Whatever, when we'll leave?

Renval: Tomorrow morning, be at the city's main gate!

Hammeron: Right, if you don't show up I'll go alone crazy bastard!

Renval: Also, Seris will go with us!

Hammeron: That damned girl... why she'll go?

Renval: To put an end to her endless boredom, I think, she says she is a skilled rogue, but I haven't really seen her fight. I said if she dies, it's not my fault.

Hammeron: She probably won't need to fight anyways, the problem is if she'll slow us down.

Renval: Well, I know she is very agile, and... what's the problem if she does slow us down? This kind of quest is the one you have for your entire life, don't expect to return in the next 10 years or so.

Hammerfall: I hate to admit it, but thinking more clearly, you're right, well, I don't really have any obligation in this town, my brother is ready to take on the duties of my family. But what about your dad's forge?

Renval: I ain't very good at forging, one of my cousins just loves forging, and really has talent, my dad wil pass on the forge to him.

Hammerfall: Yeah, no way a madman like you could do any more than killing or destroying.

Renval: Whatever, as I say, being insane is a lot more fun than being sane, I tried it once, it's really boring.

Hammerfall: Just as I expected from you...

Renval: Anyways, bye, I gotta tell the others about it, I'll probably never see any one of 'em again.

Hammeron: Yeah, bye, see ya tomorrow crazy bastard.

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Renval, Seris and Hammeron were at the main gate, there were about fifty people to say bye for them.

Esbern: Goodbye, my son, may the divines bless you as they allways did, may Awe guide you to the path of good.

Renval: Don't worry dad, I've got bacon, that's all I need for my adventure to succeed!

Seris: Don't worry uncle, I promise I'll keep him from going to sucide missions.

Hammeron: You know me old man, allways keeping his sanity in check.

Esbern: Thank you two, I'm less worried now.

Thalim: Goodbye for all of you! May the divines bless you, and please, return alive!

Renval: Don't worry! I won't die so soon, I'm too awesome for that!

Hum, uma nova história! Isso é bom, ver que você está tentando cada vez mais se aperfeiçoar na escrita. Mas no caso também é algo ruim, ver que você não consegue se quer terminar a história que você mais gostou, se animou, aperfeiçoou e escreveu.

Primeiro, reclamar do que sempre reclamo: A pontuação. Ou melhor, a falta dela. Esse excesso de vírgula atrapalha a leitura, sério.

O texto tem várias repetições de palavras e termos (falando mais em relação as suas descrições e não as falas), o que é de certa forma comum. Afinal, ter um vocabulário maior em outra língua é mais difícil, mas se você vai tentar fazer algo em inglês tente ir aumentando seu vocabulário.

O pai não vê problemas nele participar de lutas e ter uma alabarda... Que opinião ele tem com relação a isso?

Notei um paradoxo... Porque um ferreiro muito conhecido na cidade teria em uma casinha modesta? Me parece que ele tem condições de morar em um lugar melhor.

E que história sem objetivo... Espero que tudo dê certo nesse troço.

Eu achei estranho o fato de você ter escrito em inglês uma fic de um fórum brasileiro, mas se você acha que se expressa melhor assim... Porque sinceramente, acho que você se expressa melhor em português mesmo, sei que inglês é uma língua fácil se comparado ao portugês. Mas mesmo assim cometeste vários erros ortográficos, suponho q escreveste na pressa.
Sobre o ep... Achei o enredo simples demais, mas isso não é necessáriamente uma coisa ruim, imagino que os eps dessa coisa vão ser majoritariamente sobre aventuras aleatorias. Nada de interessante nesse ep, mas também nada chato.

Chapter 2: The First Challenge

Seris: So, where are we going?

Renval: I don't have any idea.

Hammeron: What?! So you don't really know where we're heading?

Renval: Not really, I just happen to go to where my instincs tell me.

Seris: That... probably means we're going to somewhere dangerous.

Renval: Hahaha! That's the fun part!

Hemmeron: Well, you're really damn insane, but you're right about that, what was the point of this adventure if we don't get any challenge?

Seris: I think this time I'll have to agree with you, maybe the challenges will end my boredom.

Renval: That's the spirit!

Hammeron: Okay but... we're walking since morning and soon it'll be dusk, don't we need to set up camp?

Renval: Not really, I'm sure there is a village not far from here.

Hammeron: How do you know?

Renval: I don't know it, i feel it.

Hammeron: I don't really trust it... but I'll try to belive you.

Seris: Oh, look, he's right.

Seris points out a small village betwen the many hills in the area.

Renval: Didn't I say it?

Hammeron: Right, let's go find an Inn or something like that.

They head to the village.

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It was early morning, and Renval just woke up, he dressed up then took a look to the window...

Renval: What the hell happened?!

The Inn was on the top of a hill, somewhat distant from the village, it was basically an overlook of the city. A good spot to place an Inn.
The village was completely destroyed, probably 50% of the village's population was dead, there was a ridiculous amount of corpses on the ground. The most likely explanation was of a bandit raid, he knew that there was a large bandit group on the nearby, Bora's Bandits, what he didn't knew is that they were so brutal. He was enraged and lively at the same time, that was a nice first challenge.

Renval: You guys, wake up! We got our first job!

Hammeron and Seris slowly woke up.

Hammeron: *Yawn* What is it Renval? What do you mean by job?

Renval: We got a bandit group to wipe out.

Seris: What? You mean, just the three of us?

Renval: I don't know, maybe some villager with any fighting skill will help us out, since the bandits destroyed their village...

Hammeron: The bandits did what?!

Renval: Look at the window.

Seris and Hammeron saw trought the window.

Hammeron: By the divines! You mean that bandits did it?!

Renval: I don't know yet, but it's the most likely, unless it's a giant monster, if it's the case then I hope this monster is as much of a challenge as the bandits.

Seris: Er... I think it was bandits, or at least I hope so, bandits are allways the weakest enemies one can face, and for some reason tend to be one of the first...

Hammeron: How do you know it?

Seris: I like to read, bandits are allways inconpetent chaotic evil idiots.

Renval: Whatever, let's go to the village down there, someone may want to kick those bandit's ass with us.

Hammeron: Sure, I just hope these bandits are some match for us.

Seris: Bandits are weak... but I'm still worried, I don't know how strong we are compared to the dangers we may face out of the city, sure, you guys kicked some serious ass in the arena, and I know how to fight relatively well since I'm a skilled rogue.

Renval: My dad's armor and weapons are the best, they're no match for us with them.

Seris: Yeah... I hope he is just as skilled with leather armor, I don't know if he made mine well...

Hammeron: It was free, wasn't it?

Seris: You got a point.

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Renval: ANYONE HERE?

Hammeron: ANYONE STILL BREATHING?

????: WE'RE STILL ALIVE!

They look to the left, they see a large, strong man with an awesome beard and short dark hair. A lot smaller woman with shoulder-level orange hair, they both looked like in their mid-forties. A pretty girl that looked one or two years younger than Renval, rather small and busty, with long orange hair. A young boy, probably with 13 years, with short black hair, had medium height for his age.

????:Who are you?

Seris: I ask the same.

????: I'm Garcos, this is my wife Natalie, this is my daughter Eirie and this is my son Frezan. We're the Rondo family.

Renval: I'm Renval Perian.

Seris: I'm his cousin. Seris Perian.

Hammeron: Hammeron Slazer.

Renval: We're adventurers, we stayed at the Inn on the top of the hill, and what really happened here? Bandits?

Garcos:Bullseye. Bandit raid in the middle of the night, pretty cliché ain't it?

Seris: That's just what I've tought... So you guys managed to survive? That means that they must be really weak.

Frezan: HEEEY! That's mean!

Hammeron: Yeah, you don't look much.

Garcos: Are you guys really here to put us in an even worse mood?

Eirie: Dad, they're right! We don't look like much... we ain't much, but we know how to fight, let's do to them what they did to us!

Renval: Yeah! That's the spirit! But... how are you fighting?

Garcos pulls a... ridiculously big axe from his back, Frezan pulls his bow out, Natalie and Eirie pick up a seemingly magical staff.

Hammeron: Holy crap, how can you carry an axe this big so easily?

Garcos: Easy, defying some laws of physics.

Seris: Riiight... So you girls are fighting with what?

Natalie: We're completely mages, we dedicate ourselves to the art of magic completely, we don't use weapons.

Hammeron: A pure mage? That's rare, just as rare as us, pure warriors, normally people use magic and weapons.

Natalie: I could teach you magic, it would be really usefull for you, pure warriors are probably the easiest way to go as a fighter, but your capabilities are somewhat limited, you're probably going to be more resistant than a mage warrior or a pure mage, because you train your outer self, but not your inner self, we sacrifice the strenght of our outer selves to strenghten our inner selves.

Renval: That sounds interesting! Why didn't I think of it earlier?

Hammeron: Because you're too stupid to think about it.

Seris: We were all idiots not thinking about how useful magic could be in our journey, specially because it's a journey to nowhere, who knows what we may find?

Hammeron: You seem pretty aware of it.

Seris: It just... comes to me, it's almost that... my inner self tells me so.

Natalie: Your inner selves seem already strong, you almost won't need my teaching.

Renval: That's for later! Now asskicking time!

Hammeron: Do you even know where is the bandit hideout?

Renval: You got me...

Garcos: I know, follow me.

Hammeron: Wait, how do you know it? Don't tell me...

Garcos: No, I ain't one of 'em, I just saw they heading to an old fort northeast of here.

Eirie: Lead the way dad!

Renval: Let's go.
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Garcos: Here we are.

In the top of a hill there was and old fort, it seemed like it was abandoned for at least one century.
Renval and Hammeron were with a smile in their faces.

Seris: What's with the slasher smile? You're creeping me...

Renval: Hahaha! Smiling at the face of danger!

Hammeron: That's what I came for, danger, chellenge, I got it sooner than I tought.

Para um Eddy, está na média. Sinceramente eu acho que você poderia colocar algo mais original nessa coisa.
E eu vejo essa estória mais como um sonho SEU de ir se aventurando por aí e encarando perigos, mas como você não pode, fez uma fic.

Arrout escreveu:

Seris: Er... I think it was bandits, or at least I hope so, bandits are allways the weakest enemies one can face, and for some reason tend to be one of the first...

Parece coisa que se diga para uma gosma.

Os acontecimentos parecem ser totalmente clonados de algum Fire Emblem. Sério. E também tem referências diretas a um dos jogos. Até mesmo o fato da esposa do primeiro grandalhão que usa machado que aparece ter o mesmo nome da esposa do Dorcas. O fato de ter que derrotar os bandidos em um forte abandonado é igual ao capítulo em que se conhece Dorcas e Natalie.

E também a falta de explicação sobre a mágica nesse mundo me incomodou.

Concordando com o FS, continua em um nível relativamente padrão de suas fics. Ou seja, nenhuma grande melhora depois de Eddy Adventure, Alpharian e o Crossover... Não que isso seja ruim!

Chapater 3: Weaklings.

Hammeron: Seris, go in and tell us about the situation in there, how many bandits there are and how heavily they're armed.

Seris: Why me? You already want me dead don't you psycho?

Hammeron: What? Aren't you an "skilled rogue" like you said? And psycho?

Seris: Yeah... I did tell you that, if you're doubting my skills then I'll go in! But what I'll do if they find me out? Also, you both are psychos, smiling because you're about to kill people!

Hammeron: Isn't it obvious? Draw your shortsword and show them who's boss, or if you fell too weak to handle 'em draw them to the main gate, we'll be wating. And I don't like killing people! I like fighting, not killing!

Renval: I don't too!

Seris: Sure... I'll be back soon, you'll see why I take pride with my skill.

Hammeron: Yeah, sure. I'll see when the enemies come.

Seris: I'll see them beating you to death, It'll be fun.

Hammeron: It'll be enven funnier when I see your corpse lying on the ground if you don't go already.

Seris: Sure, if that means staying far from you, the I'll be more than happy to go, jerk.

Seris leaves the group to infiltrate the fortress, and Hammeron distances himself from the rest of the group cursing Seris with all the possible insults you can imagine.

Garcos: They... really argue much.

Renval: Heh, it's been like this since we're children. We are allways together since I remember, and they allways have some form of argument, my aunt says that they loved each other since childhood, I personally think it's true, hehehe... But I better stay shut, I have a feeling that I may be killed if I ever mention it in their front, I'm on par with Hammeron, but with Seris trying to behead me too I think I'll lose, even not knowing her true skill.

Garcos: That sounds a rather nice idea...

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Hammeron: So you actually came back alive, how sad.

Seris: I'd rather die than hearing your voice again, but I realized I'd be haunted by you in death anyway. You would kill yourself just to annoy me, knowing how severe your jerkish tendencies are.

Hammeron: You're not worth dying for, did you get at least any useful information about our enemies?

Seris: Yeah,I did a rather nice job. There are about 30 bandits in there, very lightly armored, if armored at all, lightly armed too, I'm sure there was a maximum amount of five bandits with decent battle gear, but those decent ones seemed pretty strong, they should be worth of our time. And they do have the loot they pillaged from your village.

Renval: Five huh? So who of you volunteer to take on the strong ones?

Eire: I do! I'll go!

Garcos: I'll go too. So what's the plan?

Renval: Break in, beat the crap out of everyone in there, and recover the loot.

Garcos: Seems rather nice to me. It's been really much time since we fought together wasn't it Natalie?

Natalie: Yeah, It was when I discovered I was pergant, we couldn't keep the mercenary work, so we moved to that village, we biult our lives there... then those unholy bandits attacked and destroyed it, what we worked hard to achieve!

Garcos: You know what they say, life goes on and we have to keep up with it. We will rebiuld our lives, or make new ones after we're finished dealing with these bandits!

Hammeron: So it's revenge that you want.

Garcos: Sure it is, I want to recover the loot to help rebiuld the town, but we'll make them pay for what they've done!

Eirie: Yeah! They'll get what they deserve!

Renval: I'd do the same thing! Imperial enforcers are too far away, so we'll have to do it ourselves!

Garcos: They'd rot in prision to the rest of their lives, so we'll just lessen their sufferings.

Seris: That just seems an excuse to kill people... Whatever, I agree with it.

Natalie: We'd better get going, or else someone may notice us here.

Hammeron: Yeah, move!

They move near to the giant door, Hammeron and Renval just kick the door open.

Seris: Why did you do this?! We should at least try to attack them in surprise!

Renval: It's not time to think, time to act.

As they rush trough the large and decaying coridoors, about ten bandits rush trought the door, Garcos slashes trought them easily, Frazen shoots an arrow straight to a bandit's heart, Renval, Hammeron and Serra don't even have time to do anything, while Natalie and Eirie conjure spells.

Natalie: Divinty!

Eirie: Bolt!

A burst of light falls on the head of the bandits, and a bolt of lightining directs to them, making a deadly combination, easily killing them.

Hammeron: You guys were quite the mercenaries weren't you?

Garcos: Yes, we were part of Dars' mercenaries.

Renval: REALLY?! THAT'S AWESOME! The great mercenaries who fought in the Dukedom's War?

Garcos: Yes! It was a great honor serving Duke Orron of Ethos! Dars was a man of great strenght and chacter...

Natalie: Yes... Those were really happy days, even tough we were in a war, we didn't spend a day sad, none of our comrades died, and we were in a war, there is no better joy than knowing everyone is safe when you think they'll meet certain death, the people in our band were so kind and friendly... we miss them, but we couldn't leave our kids alone could we? So we quitted mercenary life to ensure that our kids wouldn't be raised as orphans!

Garcos: I tought we were more rusty due to our years of retirement, sixteen by now! Guess that training our kids was a way to not lose our skills.

Hammeron: You did... quite a good job in training your kids...

Garcos: Yeah, the training was worth the time!

Seris: Oh, second wave of idiots coming.

Renval: You stay back this time, let us have some fun too.

This time they sent all their remaining bandits, about 25 came this time. The rondos stood back watching the adventurers effortlessly defeat the bandits.

Renval:Really? Those were the bandits? Not even worth the time.

Hammeron: They're... so weak...

Seris: They seem so generic, so emontionless, so senseless. Killing them probably won't make any difference to the world...

Garcos: Agreed, they were bandits anyway, you can die at any time in this way of life.

Hammeron: Yes... Also, Seris, where did you learn to be a rogue? I know you got your fighting skills with us.

Seris: In days we weren't together, I used to break in people's houses and steal random stuff, then return the day I was alone again, it was very etertaining I must say.

Hammeron: You kleptomaniac scum! I knew you did suspicious things!

Seris: You're worse, psycho! Killing people for fun!

Hammeron: Killing are just... the consequences in picking fights to death, I have no pleasure in killing, I like fighting.

Seris: Sure, whatever, there are the last ones coming.

Five figures come from the door. The only distiguishable face was of a fat man with a wierd brown hair in full armor, except helmet, wich the others were wearing.

Garcos: I suppose you're Bora, ain't you?

Bora: Yes! I am the great Bora! Kneel by me and I shall kill you fast.

Garcos: You're pathetic. I'll take on him.

Bora: How dare you call me pathetic! I'll kill you now, attack!

The other 4 bandits begin attacking them. Renval defends a sword slash, tries to impale the bandit, but this one is faster and dodges the attack, giving another slash that Renval dodges, and tries an spin attack, hitting the bandit in the chest, probably killing him.

Renval: Noob. You couldn't even hit me!

Seris: What is a noob?

Renval: Forget it.

Seris was easily dodging the bandit's spear thrusts, and hitting easily him, but he was in heavy armor, shortswords are almost innefective against heavy armor, but quickly she managed to slash the bandit's troath, killing him for sure.
Hammeron was taking hits from another bandit's sword, wich he didn't even feel, the armor was very well-made, easily smashing his head with the warhammer, the bandit's head exploded in a gory way, the scene wasn't pretty.

Hammeron: Oh, I think I overdone it this time.

Seris: You just think? You exploded his damn head with a warhammer!

Hammeron: Details, he would have died anyway.

Seris: Well... yeah.

Eirie had no problems dodging the blows from the bandit's mace.

Eirie:Thunder Flurry!

Multiple shocks hitted the bandit and KOd him
Garcos had absolutely no difficulty in humiliating Bora, he was a weakling and didn't survive the first blow from his giantic axe.

Hum... Capítulo bem legal, mesmo achando que ainda está baseado demais em Fire Emblem.

Por algum motivo, as coisas estão bem mais facilmente entendíveis aqui do que em Alpharien. Porém, devo reclamar que as descrições estão ainda mais sumidas por aqui...

E tem um erro de cálculo cruel. A Seris diz que eram 30 bandidos, 5 deles usando armaduras decentes. Porém, lá dentro da base deles, os heróis enfrentar 10, depois 25 bandidos. E após isso enfrentam os 5 com armaduras, dando um total de 40. Você ou a Seris não souberam contar direito... e aposto que foi você.